The Last 4 Months

Sara helping me blog.

Sara, I don’t know how to start my blog. I don’t know what to write about. What have we been doing since Sam was born?”

“I don’t know, Mom.”

“I don’t know either…”

After Sam came home, I remember thinking, “now what?” The first week is a bit of a blur. We slept a lot. Then my mom came for a visit. It feels like it was so long ago now. She kept a blog – http://inside-outlook.blogspot.com/2013/03/inside-outlook.html We enjoyed our time together very much. I did not get to show her around the city because it is very hard to move around with a newborn here. The streets are too crowded and bumpy for strollers. Mom did go out with my mother in law and on her own a few times. Mom was such a big help with the kids so when she left the “now what?” feeling came back again.  Even though Sam is a second child it had been four years since I had a baby and Sam is very different from Sara so it took some adjusting.

Between March and June, life was low key for me. The rest of the country was turbulent. There were many hartals. If I remember right, Sara was going to school on average, two days a week. In May, there was a siege on the city. One political group blocked the roads in and out of Dhaka and then marched through part of town. In that march, according to the government, twelve people died; according to the political party who held the march, the police killed thousands of people. Around the same time the garment factory collapsed, Abu was nearly caught up in a riot during a trip to the pharmacy, and a car exploded, the sound startled me while I was in my bedroom. The two next pictures are not mine, I stole them from Google. 

Savar garment factory  collapse

 In the British school system, which most schools in Bangladesh follow, there are A level and O level exams that have to be done in order to move on in school. If you are not familiar with this, just think of the tests Harry Potter had to take and you’ll get the general idea. The hartals were threatening to disrupt these (expensive, time consuming) tests. Parents and teachers voiced their concerns and the political parties listened. Since the end of May there has only been a few hartals and they have not been nearly as violent.

Not the car that blew near my house but you get the idea.

June brought my brother in law home from London and the start of his wedding. Weddings here are very different from in the west. They are much bigger and longer here.  The day my brother in law, Faisal, arrived from London we had his nikka. The bride’s family usually hosts the nikka and only the close relatives attend. The bride and the groom are kept separate from each other. If it is an old-fashioned arranged marriage, the bride and groom will never meet until after the prayers are said and the papers are signed. In this case they know each other but the tradition was still there. First, the Imam, the person leading the prayers, meets with the bride. The bride and the family state that they agree to the union, prayers are said, papers are signed. Next, the Imam meets with the groom and the process is repeated. The marriage is official and the bride and groom can meet. This could be the end of it but tradition dictates that there must be more parties.

The bride and groom

Family

The first party (after the nikka) was the bride’s gaye holud, this took place three days after the nikka. Gaye means body and holud means turmeric, it is a party to have turmeric on the body. It is basically a party to give the bride and groom gifts and wish them well. Part of the well wishing is to feed them a small piece of food and smear turmeric paste on their face. Sometimes the bride and groom have a joint holud and sometimes not.  

Back: Me, Sam, my father in law, Saif, Sakib (Abu)
Front: Sara, my mother in law, Rahah

Sara smearing turmeric paste on Rahah

Rahah - The bride

I really wanted to put it right on the tip of her
nose but figured I'd be nice.

The following day was the groom’s gaye holud. We hosted this party under tents in our driveway. We had a band and Abu and his youngest brother, Saif, performed. Sara and the kids joined in for some singing as well.

Our house was decorated for the wedding.

                                                 

The stage

We escorted Faisal to his stage. 

                                                       

Rahah's mom putting turmeric paste on Faisal.

                                                 

Sara singing "We Shall Overcome"

                                             

 Orange and Red were the colors of the day. 

                                             

Three brothers, Saif, Faisal, and Sakib (Abu)

                           

Sakib and Saif performing with the band.

                                                  

The third day in a row of parties was the wedding. Since the technical stuff was already done at the nikka, this party is just for fun. It is tradition that the bride’s family barricades the door and not allow the groom or any of the men from the groom’s side in the venue until a bribe is paid. The women and children can get in so the men try to slip in as the women go in. While the men of the family keep the door busy, often times the groom will try to find a different way in. To the chagrin of the bride’s family, Faisal snuck in through the back door.  Another tradition is that the bride’s younger cousins try to steal the groom’s shoes and keep them ransom. I believe Faisal had his feet firmly planted on the floor the whole time. After this party, the bride goes home to the groom’s house to live. The groom’s family decorates the room and bed. The bride is kept from the room by a ribbon and not given scissors to cut the ribbon until a bribe is paid. I offered to help her climb up the building (to the third floor) to sneak in the back window but she didn't go for it.

Bribing her way into the room.

The whole family.

The ladies of the family

Some extended family

The happy couple

 The day after the wedding would have been a day off for us but instead it was Sara’s school function. She had a singing solo. She did very well. I decided during this show that watching preschool and kindergarten kids perform on stage is the cutest thing in the world.

The teacher said they would wear peace signs.
I guess Mercedes made a better offer. 

                  

The final wedding party was the next day it was the reception. I am not sure if there are traditions for this party, sometimes there is dancing and music but not this time. There were many pictures taken and we ate, then it was over. 

Alam family

Pretty hands.

The in-laws.

The weekends since have been filled with dinner parties hosted by family members on both sides. Through all of this, I felt like I was in a South Asian version of Downton Abbey. Our maids would help me with the kids and someone would help me dress in my sari and life was filled with dressing nice and eating rich delicious foods. It was a fun diversion but I am glad to put my makeup away for a while.

Dinner party at my mother's in law sister's house

Home made cake!

Sisters in law

June also brought monsoon season. The rain is amazing; the drops are huge. I am impressed with all the drivers’ skills in getting through and around the huge flash flood style puddles. I like the rain; it smells good and cools things down a bit. The only trouble it causes is that we have some trouble drying our clothes. A clothes dryer is superfluous the rest of the year, the clothes dry very quickly in the sun. I thought monsoon would mean rain all day and all night, fortunately, that’s not the case. An hour or two each day is plenty.

Watching a movie

Sara’s school year has come to an end, she did very well in preschool and is excited to start Kindergarten next term.  I am home with both kids now. Sara spends most days playing with the girls from upstairs, which is great for me because I am having a hard time filling our days. Sam is four months old and outgrowing his clothes very quickly.

Sara and Sam

"Don't bother me while I am working."

Ramadan started last week and it is an interesting experience to live with so many people who are fasting. I have started to prepare lunch for Sara and me instead of eating at my inlaw’s house as we used to. I feel quite bad eating in front of them. Iftar (the food one eats to break the fast) is amazing. It is like a Bangladeshi appetizer sampler. No less than ten items to choose from, ranging from fresh foods like dates and cucumber to deep-fried eggplant and deep-fried mashed potatoes. It is also great to have everyone around the table at the same time. My mother and father in law, Faisal and Rahah, Saif, Me, Abu, Sara and Sam all crowded around a six seat table. It is a feel of celebration each evening. About an hour after iftar the men leave for evening prayers. The prayers last for about two hours. The Imam at the mosque will read the entire Quran over the course of the month of Ramadan. Women can go to the mosque too, if they choose to. After the men come home, around 11 at night they eat dinner. At 3:30 am everyone wakes up again for another chance to eat and drink before the sun comes up and to pray again. It may go without saying that everyone seems to be sleeping a bit later now.  

Hours of cooking to prepare 

Enjoying the food

Until next time...