Thanksgiving and homesickness.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Today, I find myself ruminating on past Thanksgivings and the traditions I have made for myself. Thanksgiving is usually a busy day filled with food and family. I try to make it to both sides of the family’s houses. I have always enjoyed being surrounded by family even though we only see each other a handful of times per year as a group, having everyone together is comforting to me. Thanksgiving “linner” is my probably my favorite meal. My uncle Todd always makes two turkeys, one of them is deep-fried (without injuries).

I talked to my mom  on skype this morning (her last night). Mom was busy in her kitchen preparing the carrot dish she makes each year and up until then I had managed my homesickness surrounding this holiday hidden somewhere deep inside, even through a conversation with dad. I watched her go through the usual routine, while cooking, that I have seen and participated in so many times before. Seemingly, out of nowhere, I had weights across my chest, a lump in my throat and it took most of my effort to hold back the geyser of salt water that threatened to explode out of my eyes and nose.  Mom was preoccupied with reading the recipe, making sure nothing was missed, and I was glad for it because if I had talked about how I was feeling that would have ruined the rest of the great conversation that we had. After finishing the recipe mom moved herself and computer back out to the living room and the homesickness settled back down into its tiny hiding spot. The trouble is that once it sneaks out I have a hard time keeping it at bay for the next day or two and just the thought of traditions and the taste of crisp cool air, warm coats, sweaters, and my favorite foods brings back the weights, the lump and the geyser.  Poor Abu tries so hard to help even though, through the tears and dripping nose, I laugh and try to explain that I am fine and there is nothing to be done about it.

The same thing happened at Halloween, for about 2 days before and after Halloween, I hid myself in my room while I wrote, read, and listened to music trying to allow myself to feel what I needed to about missing home but not let people see the mess of snot my face had become. I hide because I need to allow myself the emotion so it does not build and explode in the wrong way and I do not want it to be misunderstood as unhappiness. I am surrounded by kind people who care about how I am doing, I would hate for them to think they are doing anything wrong, as Abu tends to think each time my eyes start to bulge and turn all red. That and I think I make ridiculous looking faces when crying that are hopelessly unattractive.  

I am thankful that we have not yet been here two months and I am fairly well settled. I made a friend and even have had dinner at her house. I have started my job as a kindergarten teacher, which is proving to be almost as big of a challenge as moving to the other side of the world, but gives my days more purpose and gets me out of the house. These little steps are small moves towards establishing myself, and my family, in this foreign place.

I am thankful for my family, especially my parents, Abu and Sara, for helping me focus on the positive and not getting bogged down in the little (or big) things that I struggle with adjusting to.

I am thankful for kind and generous in-laws who have taken us in, with open hearts and an open home, regardless of any inconvenience or adjustments they have had to endure.  

I am thankful that we are safe and secure, that we are healthy, that I have a very active baby who seems to be growing well, that my wedding ring still fits and will for a while, that Sara likes living here and has friends, that my marriage has been strengthened by our move, that I can see my family on skype, that I can write my experiences and feelings, and for all you good people who keep reading what I write and even ask for more. Thank you.